Parental Preference is a Phase, Not a Measure of Love.
If your baby cries every time the “wrong” parent tries to hold them, you’re not alone. One of the most common questions we hear in our Parent & Me Pasadena classes is:
“Why does my baby only want me?”
Or just as often:
“Why does my baby scream when I try to help?”
While this stage can be heartbreaking and exhausting, the good news is that having a preferred parent is incredibly common between 6 and 18 months. It is usually a sign of healthy development, not a sign that one parent is doing something wrong
Why Babies Choose a Preferred Parent
Around six months, babies begin developing stronger attachments to the people who care for them. They also start understanding that people continue to exist even when they’re out of sight, making separations much more emotional.
At the same time, babies crave predictability. They often gravitate toward the caregiver who has been meeting most of their daily needs, especially during naps, bedtime, nursing, or moments of distress. This preference is usually about familiarity and consistency rather than love.
It’s also completely normal for this preference to change over time. Many families find that the favorite parent shifts back and forth throughout toddlerhood.
What Not to Do
When a baby strongly prefers one parent, it’s easy for everyone to fall into patterns that unintentionally reinforce the preference.
Try to avoid:
- Forcing your baby into long separations before they’re ready.
- Taking the rejection personally.
- Giving up after a few difficult attempts.
- Commenting about who the baby “likes better.”
Remember, babies are communicating with behavior—not making judgments about either parent.
How the Non-Preferred Parent Can Build Connection
The goal isn’t to replace the preferred parent. It’s to create safe, enjoyable experiences that help your baby build trust.
Some wonderful ways to connect include:
1. Be the Fun Parent
Choose activities your baby loves:
- Walks outside
- Water play
- Music
- Dancing
- Reading books
- Exploring new toys
When interactions are playful rather than stressful, babies begin creating positive associations.
2. Create a Daily Routine Together
Consistency matters more than grand gestures. Maybe one parent always:
- Gives the evening bath
- Takes the morning stroller walk
- Reads bedtime stories
- Serves breakfast
Predictable routines help babies know what to expect. Stick with it! Show confidence in the non-preferred parent and avoid rescuing them by stepping in when your child is protesting.
3. Start Small
Instead of trying to take over bedtime immediately, begin with shorter moments together. Even 10–15 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one play every day can strengthen attachment over time.
What the Preferred Parent Can Do
Being the preferred parent doesn’t always feel flattering.
Many parents feel touched out, overwhelmed, and unable to get a break. You can help by:
- Speaking positively about the other parent.
- Staying calm during transitions.
- Resisting the urge to immediately “rescue” every protest.
- Giving the other parent space to find their own rhythm.
Babies are incredibly perceptive. When they sense both parents trust one another, transitions often become easier.
Respond With Empathy and Firmness
If your child refuses on parent, gently reinforce that both parents are safe, loving, and capable.
- Validate feelings, but set boundaries. “I know you feel sad. It’s my turn to help with bath time. I’m here for you”
- Connect and be direct. “I know your used to Daddy doing this, but I can help, too. Let’s do it together!”
Babies are incredibly perceptive. When they sense both parents trust one another, transitions often become easier.
You're Not Alone
One of the biggest gifts of joining a Parent & Me class is discovering that nearly every family has experienced this phase.
Parents often arrive feeling guilty, frustrated, or worried that they’re doing something wrong. Then another parent shares the exact same story, and suddenly everyone realizes this is a normal part of raising babies.
At Village Birth in Pasadena, our Parent & Me classes are designed for exactly these conversations. Alongside songs, developmental activities, and opportunities for babies to explore, parents have a chance to ask questions, share experiences, and receive guidance from experienced facilitators.
Whether you’re navigating sleep, feeding, separation anxiety, or the preferred parent stage, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Looking for a Parent & Me Class in Pasadena?
Our Parent & Me Pasadena classes welcome families with babies throughout the first years of life. You’ll find a supportive community, age-appropriate activities, and honest conversations about the joys and challenges of parenting.
Because parenting was never meant to be done alone—and sometimes hearing “my baby did that too” is exactly what you need.
