Are you finding yourself at the edge of your rope when parenting? Hot tempered, short fused, hypervigilant, tense, overwhelmed… Sound familiar?
Please know that these feelings are pretty common when in the trenches of caring for children and/or babies. The physicality and constant emotional labor of responding to their needs can be very dysregulating for your nervous system. Anyone is bound to eventually snap if they aren’t doing it on a daily or hourly basis. So what can we do to feel better and be better? We have 5 tips for supporting your nervous system as a new parent.
Nervous System Explained
First of all, your nervous system is your body’s control and communication center. It receives, processes, and transmits information to coordinate bodily functions, thoughts, and movements. It enables us to interact with our environment and maintain homeostasis.
When your nervous system perceives a threat, it fires up with symptoms like alertness, racing heart, sweating, rapid breathing, and muscle tension. These are life-saving reactions so you can react appropriately to danger. Here’s the thing, your body doesn’t know the difference between real threats and perceived threats. Your nervous system can get into that uncomfortable fight-or-flight response, reacting to your crying baby, kids bickering, or the never-ending laundry. Everyone has their own flavor flight-or-flight, and when you are having these reactions on a regular basis (when caring for babies…) it can lead to a dysregulated nervous system… which leads to more long-terms symptoms such as disgestive issues, sleep disturbances, mood swings, racing thoughts, etc.
If you feel like you are dysregulated, it may be helpful to work with a therapist, identify your triggers, and learn tools to help bring your baseline down.
How Do I Help Myself Stay Grounded?
In addition to seeking professional help, we have a few strategies to help you respond in the moment, while parenting. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, try some of these proven ways to access your “parasympathetic nervous system”. The is the function that makes you feel grounded and safe so you can rest and digest. Here are 5 tips for supporting your nervous system as a new parent:
Dance
It’s time you and your kids had a “Kitchen Dance Party.” Dance releases endorphins, joy, and puts a reset on your day. I loved doing this during the evenings while making dinner or shortly after dinner. Babies love the movement, music, and connection with their parent, and toddlers can express silliness and freedom. Highly recommend a dance break when tempers are wearing thin!
If dance isn’t your thing, any movement will do. Walking, jumping, skipping, and swinging can all help regulate your nervous system.
Humming
Did you know that it is almost impossible to have a single thought while humming? Well, if your mind is racing or you’re ruminating and want to hit the “pause” button on your brain, trying humming.
According to “Pyschology Today,” humming also produces vibrations that ripple through the body and stimulates the vagus nerve. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system so you can calm down your flight-or-flight response.
Breathing
The breath is a powerful tool. Simply bringing attention to the quality of your breathing can help you feel grounded and more connected to your body. My favorite type of breathing is “4-6-8 breathing.” Close your eyes, inhale for 4, hold for 6, and release for 8. The most effective piece of this is the slow exhale. A slower exhale (than the preceding inhale) immediately turns on you sympathetic nervous system, so you can “rest and digest.”
Try a few of these breaths until you feel relaxed.
Self-Talk
Self-talk can support your perceptions. Whether you are dealing with a restless baby, a toddler flying off the handle, or a chaotic evening routine, it is so easy to get caught up in catastrophizing and negative self-talk. And that can make your experiences more difficult. Try reframing, normalizing, gratitude, and affirmations. Depending on the situation and your preferences, here are some examples of these different approaches:
- Reframing: “The house is a mess because we had a really fun day, full of play and healthy development.”
- Normalizing: “Kids live here and we have a busy schedule. The house is going to reflect that.”
- Gratitude: “Bless this mess! We have a comfortable home for resting, loving, and raising kids.”
- Affirmation: “This too shall pass”
Cold Water on Your Face
You don’t need a full-body cold plunge to feel the benefits of cold water therapy. Splashing or immersing your face in cold water can significantly activate the parasympathetic nervous system and decrease your heart rate. Here are some ways to do this:
- Fill a bowl with icy water. Dip your face in for 30 seconds while holding your breath.
- Try finishing your next shower with 30 seconds of cold water.
- Place ice cubes in a Ziploc bag and press it against your face while holding your breath for a count of 6 to 8 seconds (Make sure the bag covers your eyes and the space above your cheekbones). Repeat if necessary.
Firm Body Pressure
Light touch can sometimes be agitating or stimulating, right?
A more sustained, firm touch can be calming and relaxing. This could be in the form of a strong hug from a loved one, deep pressure massage, or a weighted blanket. The fastest and most accessible way is to apply pressure with your own hand or fist. The sternum is an ideal place for firm pressure as it can reach the vagus nerve.
Parenting littles is hard, y’all! Please be gentle with yourself and prioritize your health. You cannot support others from an empty cup. While I find these listed tools effective, more systemic strategies may need be incorporated. This includes, therapy, community, healthy sleep, good technology hygiene, and time for joy and pleasure.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for general knowledge and informational purposes only, and does not constitute medical advice. It is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
